She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
