i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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