OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
