I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
