I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
