pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
