He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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