3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
