Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
