You're earring is so big in my mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
