i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
