There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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