it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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