I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
