I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
