maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you will always have a special place in my vag
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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