It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We're too hungover to prance.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
