Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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