I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
