Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
