That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
