what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize