I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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