were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
