please come you make the beer taste better
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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