You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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