im holly from the hills drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
