so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
