Just fell off a train. Bad.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
