The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
