I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
