Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
