soooo we both peed the bed last night...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
