No stitches, just platelets and will power
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize