No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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