it wasn't lemon gatorade
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
