Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
