I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize