My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
