So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
