just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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