I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
