i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize