You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
