Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
