theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
