you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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