You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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