Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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