The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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