you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
