Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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