Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
