finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize