...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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