Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
