He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
false alarm, still single
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
