it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
