Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
