im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
