Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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