Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
