So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
