tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
