Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
