There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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