I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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