and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
