okay pat passed out under dana's car
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
