I heard we made out
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
