I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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