yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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