Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize