drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
