i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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