there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And then he peed in my hair
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