So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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