some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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