I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
