TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
