i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
