Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
