Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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