so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize