i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
