dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
