Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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