So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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