I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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