You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
