So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize