Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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