Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she pinky promised me she was 18
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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