Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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