he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
