A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
