Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
