You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
