I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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